A Story by Brian

It was a pleasure being able to have a one-on-one session with a friend of mine. We were able to open up about a certain time period and moment where he felt lost. I’m super excited to share this in-depth conversation with him as he chooses to become a better version of himself every day. This will be another anonymous post, so let’s call him Brian.

(This conversation is summarized based on voice memo recording and his permission)

Feeling a difference with my job

How’re you feeling during COVID-19 and any routines that you’ve been following?

I am not feeling too bad actually. I’m feeling pretty okay. It’s definitely a depressing time but that’s just the way it is. It sucks, but we’re doing what we can. Now more than ever, I’m feeling pride in what I’m doing in the workforce. I feel like we’re working towards a solution for a global issue. During non-COVID times it was easy to say it’s just “a job”. But I feel people working specifically in healthcare are really helping out during these times. I’m trying to do more at work to help impact this pandemic in a positive way. For my routine, if I’m not working I usually try to eat a good meal. Anything that’s good and nourishing for my body. I feel if you eat shitty good it makes you feel shitty, you know? I do my laundry, dance, and run in my free time. Running when I can has actually been helping me the most. Fresh air. Natural sunlight. All of those things that can make a huge difference. It’s just nice to feel the world during these times.

Transition post-college

What was one of your lowest points - a time where you felt sad or down?

What jumps out right away would be my senior year of college and the first year out of college. That might’ve been the lowest I’ve ever been. It’s for a number of reasons: school being over, getting into adulthood, getting out of a breakup, and not having a job right away. I felt as if once you live on your own you really have to be independent and take care of everything by yourself. It was hard personally because when I graduated and had no job but still paying rent, it was difficult without having income coming in.

Surrounding myself with certain friend groups

Did you talk to anybody, reach out to anybody, or keep it to yourself?

I hung out with certain people for certain issues I had. For example, with relationship stuff I’d hang out with one of my friends that was also going through a tough breakup so he kind of related to me. For school stuff, I didn’t talk to anybody because I feel like I should already be doing well in school so that’s primarily on me. In regards to moving out, like paying rent was super difficult because I had to burn through my savings. When I was visiting my parent’s house I would talk to them about my finances. During college we didn’t have the best relationship, so I feel I turn to my friends a lot for different issues I have with my life. Friends have always helped me out the most.

"You really can feel people’s energy. Sometimes changing who you are around, changes how you think of things."

Going through the motions

How did you overcome those issues?

Going through the motions, to be honest. I tried a lot of things to cope with it. I smoked a lot which made me feel sleepy. I think having a lot of time to get into a certain mindset and trying to reflect on a lot of things. It might suck in the moment, there’s no alternative besides going through it in my opinion. It’s something that you get to chip away at. I do gratitude meditations while I run and listen to audiobooks. I feel hearing people’s life experiences gives you another perspective on life.

My parents break-up

Was there a "specific moment" where you felt lost?

I found out my parents were choosing to be separated. It wasn’t an official divorce. It was a hard time for me. I came home and I drank a bit. I smoked a good amount of cigarettes, weed, and took an edible. I was really trying to sleep it off. That was the time where I had a little mental breakdown. I was really fucked up at that time. I don’t remember a lot, but I do remember that feeling of being so sad.

Growing family relationships

How’re you feeling about it now? Do you question it?

Honestly, I feel like what kind of helps with that situation, at this very moment know that they’re still alive and healthy. They’re actually both happier. It feels selfish of me wishing it to go back to what it was like before. My family now has different relationships with each other. It was very tense with my brother and my parents. Things would get weird I guess. Angry sometimes. But now, it’s gotten better. We’re more honest now and building our relationships. It’s definitely developed our relationship and I didn’t really understand it at the time. But as time went on, it got easier to understand. Also, just other things - even if that’s not going well, I still have a lot of other things I can focus on. I can be grateful for something else. It’s hard to feel sad or down right now. I’m getting better at it.

"I am appreciating everything so when something does go wrong, every else that’s going right will pick you back up."

Being patient always helps

Would you give yourself any advice? What would you tell yourself during those moments?

I would tell myself to be patient. It’s weird to feel shitty. I think it’s natural to feel shitty though and want it to be over right away. It’s okay to be patient. There’s no rush to do anything. I felt me getting impatient about it made things worse. When times are getting worse, I’d ask myself why isn’t this getting better? Eventually you don’t really care. I felt really numb to the point I didn’t give a shit about a lot of things. My state of mind is to be more patient. I feel like I’m getting better at it. You can’t really stop working at that. You got to keep reminding yourself that a little something is better than nothing.

Become a better person

What are you doing after this pandemic?

I’m excited. So many changes in the course of a month. I’m excited to see what’s going to happen. It’s cool to remind ourselves that we’re just starting our lives. It’s primetime right now. I’m trying to be the best version of myself - a good friend, good coworker, and a good person overall. Now this is the time to work on myself and ask myself what it means to be a good person. Being okay to saying no to things that don’t make me feel good. Little by little, become a better person.

I want to thank Brian for opening up and reflecting with me the moments where he has felt lost. He mentions that having these type of one-on-one conversations are good and refreshing. We don’t always open up or even look back at tough moments, so this was a good experience altogether.

Brian I appreciate you. Much love to those people that got the chance to read his story. Cheers to becoming a better version of yourself each and every day!

With love,

Another Lost Boy