It is an absolute honor to be introducing Blaze Carter onto Another Lost Boy Story. She has not only shined through tough situations in her life but been able to change her mindset for the better. There were moments when she was speaking to me about her story where I genuinely felt like tearing up. Please read Blaze’s story and her journey to becoming a positive young adult!
(This conversation is summarized based on voice memo recording and her permission)
Lesson Learned: Be Selfless
How’re you feeling about this whole pandemic? What’re you been doing to keep yourself positive?
I lost my job before the pandemic. March was really tough for me. March was the lowest I’ve been for a long time actually. I feel ever since I graduated from college, work is how I define myself. I feel like my work ethic as a person has always been so good so it was hard for me to think of life without a job. Obviously I lost my job and then COVID hit 2 weeks later. I was like “what am I doing”? I don’t want to say I was depressed but I was very very low. There was a light at the end of the tunnel, but my eyes were closed and I couldn’t see it. I started to make a routine to help me get through this. I told myself, “we going to wake up at 7 AM. We’re not going to sleep all day”.
So I started to walk to my local coffee shop. I was like, you know what, there are going to be a lot of small businesses so let me support as much as I can. I’d come home and clean up and create a positive environment for myself. I would try to read too. So I’m more of a spiritual person, so I would read my bible. I would try to connect with a higher power, for me its Jesus and God. I try to feed my mind that’ll help me become a better person. Like you said, this is happening but this is not the end of it. It’s not the end of the world.
I started to realize that a lot of people started to get laid off. Then I told myself, “okay this isn’t just me I am not alone”. That really helped me, not that I wish that upon anybody. But like knowing that we’re all together in this helped me get out of that. The best lesson I learned from the pandemic, is to be selfless. It’s not all about you. I was wallowing in my pity but there are so many other people that are worse off. For me that was my biggest thing, I want to be selfless. I want to think about other people’s needs. I have the ability to get up and go to Costco and get toilet paper. If somebody else needs that, let me help them out. So it was stuff like that, it’s not all about you sis. I want to help by patronizing all small businesses as much as possible, obviously following the COVID rules.
I just want to give back in ways that can help other people. If I’m this low, I can’t even imagine how other people are feeling. I’m just trying to keep that positive energy out there.
If My Faith Can Help, then Why Not?
Has being spiritual or believing a higher power helped you throughout your whole life? Have you always been like that ever since you were younger?
So my parents split when I was younger like around 5 years old. My mom used to take us to church all the time. Different churches, I know she was in search of something higher. She ended up finding this church that we still go to. All my life I feel like I’ve been spiritual. I read. I pray. I go to church. During this pandemic, every day I prayed. I pray for the next person. If I go on LinkedIn and see someone lose their job I ask Lord to help them in any way that He can. Even if some people aren’t spiritual, if my faith can help your life then why not? I try to keep my mind on things that are eternal than just surface.
I think it’s a daily fight. I don’t always wake up thinking life is all rainbows. There are days where I wake up and tell myself I CANNOT do this. But it’s a daily choice. Every day you have to fight your own mind. You are your worst enemy. Your mind is your worst enemy. With this whole COVID thing, I have to keep that in check. My mind is going to tell me this is the end of it, but I have to fight that. This is a struggle for me too.
I Love You Dad
If you can think about a time where you felt low - To the point where your religion and spiritual relationship with God was non-existent at that time, what would that moment be?
Sometimes there are things in life that happen and you forget those things. A year ago, my dad was diagnosed with blood cancer. You never really think that something can touch your life so much until it happens. My dad tells me and my brothers this is what it is, this is what’s happening. I just remember thinking, “yo if my dad dies, I’m done”. That was last March. I went through 3 months not seeing the light. I did not see the light at the end of the tunnel during that situation. Nobody can fix this. I am completely lost. I love this man so much. The thought of even losing this person is driving me insane. I didn’t even trust God at that point. That was the biggest mistake I made. Not having faith. Those 3 months really showed me, you really have to have faith.
The bible says,
“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”.
So I was like, I have to believe. I can’t believe this person that made all of this - God who made the Earth, land, sea, stars, moon. The world is literally orbiting on nothing. I have to have faith that He can handle this situation. I didn’t have faith at that point and I didn’t realize that I didn’t have faith. But that situation showed me my faith was non-existent. I came to the point where I believed that He can do all things right. He can handle the situation. So then I was like this is going to be okay - my dad might have this cancer, but I believe that he’ll be fine. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to go out and hang out with anybody during that 3 month period.
But once I was able to come to terms with it and understand that I don’t have control over the situation - I was like what’s the point? There’s a quote that says worrying about things that you have no control over. The worries of today don’t take away tomorrow’s problem, or something like that. That’s true. What is me worrying about this right now going to do for this situation? That was a year ago and now my dad is doing better. Now I’m at a place that everything is okay. I have faith that everything will be handled. Whatever’s meant to be will be and that’s okay.
Building Our Relationship
Did you talk to your dad about it?
I think that he knows how concerned I was. I was like what is this and what’s that. My brothers were in denial, saying he’s going to be fine. I cried all the time to my family. I never told my dad, “hey you mean this much to me, if anything ever happened to you I wouldn’t know what to do with myself”. I never had that conversation, but I probably should. If anything did happen, it’d probably make me feel a lot better knowing that I said what I had to say to him. Since all of this I’ve been trying to see him. At least once a month I try to see him. I call him every week now, more than ever just to see how he’s doing.
When I was younger I had the worst relationship with my dad. The worst. I felt like my dad always loved my brothers more because he connects with them a lot more with sports and stuff. We would always get into arguments, remind you that I was young and emotional. I was still hovering emotions about the divorce of my parents. I didn’t know how to properly express my emotions and I would lash out like a ticking time bomb. When I was in college things got a lot better. I became an adult that I was able to vocalize my emotions. I was able to mend our relationship with him. My dad is my best friend. I am so close to him and my stepmom now it’s kinda weird. I never thought I would be but I call them and text them all the time now.
What’s Meant To Be Will Be
Did you have resentment towards your stepmom before?
When I was a kid I didn’t have a problem. But my mom was super anti-stepmom. Obviously she’s going to. I think some point in my life I needed to side with my mom and support her side. It wasn’t like resentment but it was more like, “what would life be like if you didn’t show up”? As a younger woman, I could’ve had my parents still be together. But as an adult, I realize now that some people are meant to be together for a reason. Just because two people love each other doesn’t mean they have to be together their whole lives.
Some people are better off as friends. My parents were better off as just friends. There’s no resentment even until now. Both of my parents remarried. Towards my stepdad, I was able to see that he loves my mom. I love him the way he loves my mom. He’s not trying to be my dad. I love both my step-parents. My emotions got the best of me a lot and I have a great relationship with all of my parents.
Helping Them Keep That Positive Mind
Is there anything you would say to someone that might be in a similar situation as you in terms of your dad’s health condition?
Honestly I would say what would be will be. Regardless of how much you worry or regardless of how much you think you can do... Whatever the end result is, it’s going to be the end result. When you get that information you got to take that information and do whatever you can to be at peace with it. For example, if my dad does die - what have I done during my time with him that I will be at peace when it does happen. Take advantage of the moment with the people you love. You never know what you have until it’s gone. Don’t wait until it’s gone, until you realize what you had.
The Energy You Put Out Is The Energy You’ll Receive
What instance in your life made you become this positive person that you are today?
t was right out of college. I think everybody goes through a post-graduation depression. I think that’s a thing. So I got a job at a company. I thought this is going to be it, a super well-known company. I’m about to be really doing it. Then I realized this is not what I went to school for. I was a really negative person actually. I’m a realist. Sometimes that can be so negative, because you don’t see any optimism in anything. “What-ifs” are not a thing for realists. That was my thought process my whole life. There was a point in this job that I was so low that I had no confidence. I’m mean to people. I’m being negative.
When you put bad energy out, all you get is bad energy in return. I had to switch my mindset. I was like what am I doing with my life? I HAVE to make the change. Nobody is going to hand me a better situation. So I started to get on social media that resonated with me like quotes and other people’s stories. I would watch motivational sports videos. I would try to encourage myself. I wanted to be my own encouragement. I posted on my stories and on my feed to encourage myself and it started to encourage other people.
That’s when I had a 180-turn. I realized the bad energy I was putting out into the world was coming back to me. You put positive energy into the world, that comes back to you. It’s like that saying what goes around comes around. I started to really see that. When I had a bad day, I know things can be worse. Tomorrow is a new day. I tried to change my mindset for the other people around me. Nobody wants to hang around somebody that’s super negative. I tried surrounding myself with positive people to help me become a positive person. Nobody’s perfect, but like I said every day is a choice. Every day since that moment I had to choose - today am I going to live in negativity or find joy in the things that I do have? That’s where I took the turn, 2 years ago. I’m not doing that negative thing anymore!
Thank you Blaze for your vulnerability and courage to be able to tell your story. I’ve seen nothing but growth for you as a person these past couple years and just know you are definitely one of my soul sisters! Check out her page (@blazeelynn) for any positive posts that you may need in your life to pick you up.
I appreciate you for taking the time to read her story. Much love to you all! From another lost boy to another lost girl - may we always spread positivity during negative times.
Another Lost Boy