Finding A Healthy Relationship

Here's to the ups and downs of your relationship, may you find a healthy one.

This past couple of weeks I have been reading a lot. I’ve been diving deep into self-help books to inspire me to write these blog posts and also to just better myself as an individual. Being laid off and not really working has given me a lot of time to self-reflect and observe my journey to where I am today. If you don’t know me, I really like focusing on love primarily. I want to talk about relationships in this post, but a little later if you decide to keep reading.

I’ve read that it is important to take full responsibility for your actions. We will always be responsible for everything in our lives, no matter what external circumstances come towards us. Even though we don’t necessarily control what happens in our lives, we CAN control how we interpret our problems and how we go about them.

Should we choose to accept responsibility in our lives, is when we truly have full power and emerge with personal growth. As long as we accept the responsibility of our problems, then we are one step closer to solving them. It is important to see how you prioritize your values. You should ask yourself more often, “What values do I hold? How do I prioritize them?”

Growth is an endless process. When you can accept that you are not always right all the time, that’s when you can really improve yourself and your actions. Face it - you’re going to be wrong. It’s all about putting that pride aside and owning up to your wrongs and help make them right.

It’s taken me quite some time for me to realize that no one is perfect in a relationship. Mark Manson, the author of “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”, explains that there are two types of love. There are healthy and unhealthy forms of love. He writes,

“Unhealthy love is based on two people trying to escape their problems through their emotions for each other -- which is basically using one another as an escape. Healthy love is based on two people acknowledging and addressing their problems with one another’s support”.

I’ve learned that if you are in a “healthy relationship” you do not rely on the other person to fix your problems. You need to be accountable for your own personal issues, while your partner should be there to support you. You would be considered in an “unhealthy relationship” if you rely on your other person for happiness.

Responsibility. Like I said, you need to take on your own problems because no other person but yourself can fix that. People cannot solve their own underlying issues. If two people are in a relationship who try to solve each other’s problems so that they feel good about themselves, that is unhealthy. But if you solve your own problems to feel good about yourself, then that will reflect to your relationship with your partner. Love is demonstrating that you can take on your responsibilities and not holding your partner responsible for them.

If you love someone, you should do something for them and not expect anything back. Another key quality to have in a relationship is trust. Without trust, then the relationship would not really mean much. You also have to commit to your partner. Realizing that committing to the love of your life is more beautiful than anything else. You start to notice that commitment is knowing that what you have is good enough and that chasing other things like sex, money, traveling isn’t as special without someone to support you through the ups and downs.

My main takeaway is that I used to believe that I had to solve my partner’s problems. I felt as though I was accountable for that. I never truly realized that I had other personal problems of my own that I had to face. But now, I am in a good place. Understand that you two are both individual people and to come together as one does not mean relying on one another for answers.

So to all of those that have read this, thank you. This has been my most vulnerable post and I didn’t really know how to feel about posting it. But here I am. Being vulnerable. And accepting that I have come a long way. To my past, I hope you know my intentions were to never hurt you. I am deeply sorry if I ever did. I have grown since then and I am continuing to be a better person so that it can reflect onto my current partnership.

I hope you all find that healthy relationship. If you are in an unhealthy one, I hope that you guys work it out to make it better. All things happen for a reason. The universe will give you your person.

Thank you guys for your constant love and support. Here’s for many stories that we grow from. From being lost and finding our way back.

To never settling for less than you deserve. May a healthy relationship come to you soon.

With love,

Another lost boy